On life and marriage....

A friend in a for a quick visit just asked what I thought about marriage...... I think marriage is difficult, the most important things in life usually are (family, patience, love), I think getting married when you are "older" is even more so. I think that real life, full on personality, and your identity, don't fully emerge until well after college. Junior high, high school, those first days as a freshman, you are finding out what works for you and what doesn't. As time goes on you discover what makes you tick, what speeds make you the happiest (and I am not talking about while driving!). You swore you would never do/act like what your parents/friends/teacher did and then without real effort you find yourself taking on qualities you saw in you past and they aren't so bad. You refine these things and make them yours, your version 2.0. You take what you have learned in church or home and keep close what is most important to you. You don't become expert in all areas but in some (service/patience/kindness/honesty/generosity/charity things like that) you excel and in them you find solace. You develop a pattern for living, and every day now has a quote un-quote normal ebb and flow. You tuck your bad habits away, and start eating your broccoli. Enter Man/Woman. Enter an entirely new tide. As with water, any time two large bodies meet there are rapids, current conflicts. The more time you spend developing your identity alone the bigger the rapids. Two speeds, two patterns, two routines, two identities now have to remain unique whilst also creating a new identity as an "us" verses an I/me. [This is sometimes avoided when you getting married younger because you develop more together than you did alone]. Rapids aren't bad, they are part of this wonderful experience and if smart, you will hold on and get down in your raft when you come upon them. Sometimes you need to paddle through them and sometimes you need to stop paddling and let the moment take you to smooth water. If you fight it or over think it you will be suddenly frantic, dumped from your boat, chugging water, getting scratched by rocks, and full of fear. I prefer the raft though I have tested option b plenty! I am a feisty sucker. I can't say that I am wise, but I can say at times I am smart enough to learn from my mistakes and allow them to help me move forward not dwell in the past.